A Touch of Insanity: Part 1
by ArcaJeth
Summary: Chaos ensues when a little secret is revealed


Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo is the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC, Inc.  
This is a work of satire so PLEASE don't sue me! Unless, of course I  
win the Powerball jackpot, then it's open season. ^_^  
  
WARNING******************WARNING********************WARNING*******************  
  
This fic is a LIME. Well it *may* be a little more intense than that.  
Let's call it a Sprite(tm). That's right; lemon and lime together!  
So, if you are under 18 or it is illegal to view this sort of content then:  
  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!STOP READING IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
WARNING2*****************WARNING2*******************WARNING2*****************  
Please, Please PLEASE don't take this fic seriously!  
It is meant as a joke. A funny. A satirical analogy about daily life.  
Don't take it seriously. Trust me, you'll be happier if you don't.  
But if you DO; I can't be held responsible for any injuries incurred;  
mental or physical. That said: ON WITH THE FIC!  
  
  
Tenchi Muyo!  
a ToUch oF iNsanItY v2.0  
A fun fic by  
Arca Jeth  
  
  
  
Part 1  
  
Nobuyuki Masaki lived a contented existence. He had a loving son, a  
wise father-in-law, a good job, and a big house in a beautiful valley. And  
of course five hot alien babes living in his house. So they kept turning up  
mortal enemies, and nearly destroying the house. It was just a pleasure   
having them there.  
  
Now, if only he could figure a way into that extra-dimensional bath.  
  
*No use dwelling on the impossible.*  
  
Nobuyuki sighed and turned back to his desk where work was waiting. It  
seemed that all he ever did was work these days. It was a good thing her had   
his home office or he would even have to make that horrendous commute on   
weekends. He didn't have to miss the important moments in his son, Tenchi's   
life when the sexy space pirate tried to seduce him.  
  
*I really wish my son would loosen up. At this rate I'll never have any   
grandchildren.*  
  
A manila envelope appeared on the desk with a pop of displaced air.  
  
"It's finally here!" Nobuyuki exclaimed eagerly tearing at the package.  
(Needless to say, with the company he kept, he was quite used to objects  
appearing out of thin air.)  
  
Nobuyuki pulled out a bright red magazine featuring a scantily-clad, green-  
skinned woman on the front cover. She had green eyes and a killer body but  
where there should have been hair were a pair of long head tails.  
  
"Oooh! It's a Twi'leck!" Nobuyuki's eyes glazed over as he began thumbing  
through the latest edition of "Star Whores"--Over 500 species of smut!  
  
When he asked Washu if she knew of any inter-galactic porno mags she didn't  
even blink as she set up the subscription. It was a welcome supplement to  
Nobuyuki's manga collection.  
  
*How did I ever get along without this little beauty.*  
  
There were so many heavenly bodies to see, there were Rodians, and Wazuus  
and Gammeas and Konoos and...  
  
Turning the next page Nobuyuki froze. "What the..."  
Was all he could say when he slumped forward onto his desk, a trail of blood  
gushing out of his nose.  
******************************************************************************  
  
"Dad! Dad wake up," Tenchi yelled as he shook his comatose father. "Come on  
Dad, speak to me, will ya?"  
  
But to no avail, Nobuyuki slept on; with that dreamy, almost maniacal smile  
on his face.  
  
"Oh no. What will we do?" Aeka stood at the door panicking in her most  
ladylike manner while Ryoko and Sasami looked on with concern.  
  
"All right, coming through," Washu called pushing an ambulance style  
stretcher in front of her. She was wearing her nurse's outfit and was   
followed by  
Mecha Washu in a paramedic's uniform. She then proceeded to take Nobuyuki's   
pulse, blood pressure, and sperm count ^-^.  
  
"Hmm. Just as I thought. Let's get him, mobile," Washu commanded. With her  
superior strength, Mecha Washu scooped Nobuyuki up and dumped him on the  
stretcher. Washu started to push it through a sub-space portal to her lab  
when Tenchi grabbed her arm.  
  
"Washu wait," he said. "What's wrong with him?"  
  
"Nothing's wrong Tenchi.' Washu said off-hand. "He's just overstimulated.  
I'll let him sleep it off for a few hours."  
  
"But why are you taking him to your lab?"  
  
"Well since he was in prime condition for it I thought I'd run a couple of  
experiments..."  
  
"Absolutely not!" Tenchi started to grab the stretcher.  
  
"Now, now," Washu admonished. "We wouldn't want to wake our patient. Don't  
worry Tenchi, It's nothing dangerous, just a few brainwave scans honest."  
  
"Well, alright," Tenchi relented. "Can I at least sit with him until he  
wakes up?"  
  
"Why sure you...NOW!"  
  
Washu and her mechanical counterpart hurried through the sub-space hole  
closing it behind them.  
  
"Hey, come back!" Tenchi tried to follow, but ran face first into the wall.  
  
"But if you really want to help," came Washu's disembodied voice. "You  
should find out what got him so worked up in the first place."  
  
"I guess she's right," Tenchi said after a moment's reflection. "Thanks for  
being here everyone, but I'd better take it from here."  
  
"Nonsense, Lord Tenchi," Aeka said coming forward. "I will stay and help you  
find cause of your father's illness."  
  
"I'll help too Tenchi," Ryoko butted in glomping Tenchi. "If anything  
happened to your dad, I just don't know what I'd do.." She broke off   
shedding a tear for effect.  
  
"Gosh Ryoko," Tenchi said. "I didn't know you liked him so much."  
  
"I hide my feelings but thee is a special place in my heart for Nobuyuki."  
  
"Didn't you say, just five minutes ago, that he was a moron?" Aeka  
challenged.  
  
"I could be wrong." Ryoko said innocently. "And didn't you say, yesterday  
that he was a pervert and badly in need of a lobotomy?"  
  
"I said he needed a psychiatrist..." Aeka broke off realizing that she'd  
just told on herself. "  
  
"Hey, what's this?" Sasami called out holding up a glossy magazine. "It says  
"Star Whores."  
  
"Where did you get this?" Aeka asked snatching the book away. "This garbage  
is nothing more than a showcase of skin and deviant sexual behavior.   
However, what is it doing on this planet?"  
  
"The real question is," Ryoko commented slyly. "How do you know so much  
about it, Princess?"  
  
Aeka turned beet red for a moment before venturing an answer.  
  
"I...heard about it, that's all. Furthermore, I am too pure to sully myself  
with..."  
  
While she was busy defending herself, Tenchi decided to find out what all  
the fuss was about. He gently took the magazine from the still arguing   
princess and laid it open on the desk.  
  
*It looks like a regular magazine dad would read. Except all the girls are  
aliens.*  
  
While some of the females looked human enough, with others he couldn't make  
heads or tales of them(literally). Most of the women in the book looked  
pretty good, but after seeing Ryoko in the nude repeatedly, it would take   
more than that to make Tenchi...  
  
"GAG...choke...ugh...sppttzzz!" Tenchi fell to the floor flopping around  
like a fish out of water.  
  
"I'll bet you just *loved* to give all those rich handsome princes a taste  
of you royal..."  
  
Seeing that her sister and the pirate were still engrossed in their argument  
to notice, Sasami rushed over to Tenchi's side.  
  
"Tenchi, what's wrong?" She tried shaking him but all he would do was mumble  
something and bury his head in his hands.  
  
"I didn't see that...I didn't see that...I didn't see that..." Tenchi  
repeated.  
  
Curious, Sasami pulled the magazine from his clenched fist. Looking down at  
the page it was on, Sasami's eyes widened in shock.  
  
"Aeka..." she said trying to get the princess's attention.  
  
"...You've probably been to every spacedock bar in this galaxy. I'll bet  
they have condom machines named after you."  
  
"Oh yeah, they have a whole hairstyle named after you, Princess. Ever hear  
of the 'tease?'"  
  
"Aeka!"  
  
"What!!" both girls whirled angrily on the little princess.  
  
"Look," she said holding up the page. Upon which was a picture of Aeka  
reclining on a leather couch in a see-through mesh bathing suit. The caption   
read:  
  
"Scandalous Behavior."  
  
*******************************************************************************  
  
Earth's resident Galaxy Police detectives Kiyone and Mihoshi hurried up the  
steps to the Masaki house. Or at least, Mihoshi hurried. Kiyone, on the  
other hand was being dragged behind her.  
  
"Come on Kiyone," Mihoshi prodded. "We'll be late!"  
  
"You were late for work every day this week Mihoshi," Kiyone said irritably.  
"Yet when Sasami invited us to dinner you manage to be two hour early!"  
  
"I just love a home-cooked meal," Mihoshi said dragging her partner to the  
front door. "Besides, I can't eat your cooking every night."  
  
"What's wrong with my cooking?" Kiyone asked, getting to her feet.  
  
"Nothing; nothing at all," Mihoshi said suddenly nervous. "It's just that-"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Mihoshi broke off as the high pitched scream tore out of the house. Both  
detectives pulled blasters from secret holsters and charged into the house.  
Kiyone crouched low while Mihoshi covered high. After a quick search of  
the downstairs area another scream ripped through the house.  
  
"THAT'S IMPOSIBLE!! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS! WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR  
THIS WILL DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH!!"  
  
Mihoshi and Kiyone sighed, holstering their weapons and headed upstairs.  
"Sounds like they're at it again," Kiyone intoned.  
  
"Yep," Mihoshi agreed. "I wonder what got Miss Aeka so upset."  
  
As they turned the corner, the sound of sobbing caught their attention. They  
found the group in Nobuyuki's office. Tenchi was sitting up on the floor  
drinking a glass of water while Sasami struggled to keep Aeka from  
strangling a tearful Ryoko.  
  
"What's going on here?" Kiyone ventured into the fray.  
  
"I didn't see anything!" Tenchi said repeatedly to no one in particular.  
"Nope, nothing at all, not me!"  
  
Five minutes later, when they got things back under control. Kiyone got the  
whole story. While looking for the cause of Nobuyuki's episode, Tenchi and  
Sasami stumbled across a photo spread featuring Aeka in Star Whores  
magazine. Needless to say the princess was upset at the scandalous photos   
and blew her top. Ryoko, however, had laughed until she cried, and then   
started laughing again.  
  
"I'm sorry," Ryoko gasped. "But it's so precious. here she is going on about  
how pure and pristine her body is, and she turns out to be a real slut!"  
Ryoko doubled over, her stomach cramping with laughter.  
  
"Ryoko, you know that is not true!" Aeka cried. "Those pictures are obvious  
fakes. Even a gutter brain like yours can see that!"  
  
The air was filled with the tingling of static electricity. But the pirate  
didn't seem to notice as she continued to guffaw. Seeing that Ryoko was in   
no condition for a battle the detectives stepped in.  
  
"Miss Aeka you must calm down," Kiyone said touching her shoulder. She could  
feel the heat boiling off the indignant princess. "I'm sure we'll find the  
cause of all this in due time."  
  
Meanwhile, Mihoshi being rational for once, tried to quiet Ryoko down.  
  
"Now Ryoko," she lectured. "It's not nice to poke fun at other people's  
lives. And you're in no position to criticize Aeka for her decisions."  
  
"THEY"RE FAKE I TELL YOU!!!" Aeka screamed, forgetting about Ryoko and now  
trying to get at Mihoshi. Kiyone, to her credit, resisted the urge to let  
her go.  
  
Sasami continued looking through the discarded magazine. Tenchi, whose  
curiosity had overcome his initial shock, looked over her shoulder.  
  
On the pages were a group photos of Princess Aeka in a variety of outfits  
and some very provocative poses:  
  
Aeka in a red miniskirt, tube-top and five-inch heels. Aeka draped over a  
wampa-skin rug.  
  
The princess in a tiger striped bikini--sans bikini top!  
  
"Uh, Tenchi," Sasami said. "Are you sure you're supposed to be looking at  
this?"  
  
"Are *you*?" Tenchi retorted, not taking his eyes off the page.  
  
"Good point," Sasami shrugged.  
  
They came upon a page featuring Aeka in a black leather jacket (and little  
else) straddled atop a cut-down hover bike. She wore all black makeup and   
had several body piercings.  
  
"Okay, I can understand more than one earring, I guess," Sasami said. "And  
the nose ring looks pretty cool. That belly button ring is kinda cute,   
though the nipple ring looks sort of painful. But..." She trailed off.  
  
"What is it Sasami?" Mihoshi asked, coming over.  
  
"Where does this *other* chain go?"  
She turned the page.  
  
"OH!"  
A loud thud sounded as Tenchi's head bounced off the floor.  
  
"I didn't know you could get pierced *there*," Sasami said sounding  
impressed. "Mommy won't even let me get my *ears* pierced yet!"  
  
"Give me that!" Aeka barged past Kiyone and the comatose Tenchi and snatched  
the magazine. She stared at it for a moment when her eyes widened in an  
expression that looked almost like recognition. "This just cannot be true,"  
she gasped.  
  
"Wow! I didn't know you could get that pierced *twice*," Mihoshi said in  
admiration. "Kiyone only has one ring...Mmph!"  
  
"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!" Kiyone shouted while stifling  
her partner.  
  
Meanwhile, everyone else just stared at her.  
  
"It was for an undercover mission, okay?"  
  
"Just how far undercover, Detective?" Ryoko baited.  
  
"Uh...We were talking about Miss Aeka's problem," Kiyone said, actually  
blushing. "If you file a formal complaint we can question the publishers and  
find out where these pictures came from."  
  
"Why are you speaking as if those...those THINGS are real.  
They...are...FAKE!"  
  
"But Sis," Sasami cut in. "They look just like you. There's even that little  
birthmark right next to your-"  
  
"That is quite enough Sasami," Aeka snapped.  
  
"Oh, she's right," Mihoshi said pointing at a page. "There it is!"  
  
"This just can't be happening," Aeka said nearly in tears.  
  
"Oh it's true Princess," Ryoko said rubbing it in. "In a day or two, this'll  
be all over Jurai, and your loyal subjects will find out that their sweet,  
innocent, pure, and pristine little princess is a FREAK!  
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAH!"  
  
"Uh, Ryoko," Sasami interrupted her tirade of maniacal laughter. "You should  
see this."  
  
"What is it? Is Aeka riding bare-back or something?"  
  
"Something like that."  
  
Sasami held open a centerfold page showing Aeka in leather chaps, a cowboy  
hat, with a bandana around her neck. In her hands, she held the reins to a   
most peculiar mount. Beneath her, on all fours, was a cyan-haired girl wearing  
nothing but a black leather saddle and a smile.  
  
The caption read: READY TO RIDE!  
  
Needless to say, the following explosion took out the entire west wing of  
the Masaki house.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
End Part One  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Author's notes:  
Just a little something I thought up on a rainy day. I'm planning another  
part soon. I thought I'd take a break from all the drama and do something a  
little more light-hearted. How did I do?  
Send C&C to arcaj@planetjurai.com *OR* arcaj@hotmail.com.  
  
  
  
  



End file.
